Hey, you wanna have some NSA fun in WALMART?

OK, first of all I don't know that I'd have sex in Wal-Mart to begin with. Fluorescent lighting just isn't very flattering. Second, where did this person find a dark enough corner to have anonymous sex but later realize it wasn't the dude she intended to screw to begin with?

5 ways to piss off your girlfriend before she gets out of bed

5. Hitting the snooze alarm 50 million times - Especially, if your girl doesn't have to get up for another hour. Sure, she loves to fucking cuddle, but not at 6 am when her ass is trying to sleep.

4. Grinding against her in hopes of getting some - Ten to one, unless you both have the day off and no pressing plans for the day, this is also not going to end well. If you have to get off to work and she has to be somewhere then she's not going to be into a quickie at 5 am.

--There is an exception to this, some girls wake up horny. If she initiates it then go for it. Congratulations!

3. Getting in and out of bed multiple times - Sometimes, you don't want to leave the warm coziness of your bed. We get it, we aren't ready to leave it either. But each time your resolve fails and you climb back into bed, your cold ass makes it a little less cozier for us.

2. Turning the gddamn light on to look for your clothes - seriously, pick them out before hand. She's dreaming of picking out your murder weapon from here.

1. Slamming the door - adding insult to injury. If she has any chance of getting back to sleep comfortably, this one is the nail in the coffin. She's probably going to get up and be mad at you and you don't even know it yet.

How Text Can Save/Destroy Your Relationships: Part 1

Many of us have found ourselves in the middle of a text message argument with someone that we are dating. When meant to say one thing it was taken a completely different way causing a 30 minute back and forth that at some point escalates to a phone call that one or the other parties hangs up on too soon resulting in the angry call back with the question "Why did you hang up on me???"

The written word is a powerful medium in the world of interpersonal communications. Often we forget that what we say in person is not necessarily what it appears we are saying in written word. From text messaging to Facebook status updates to Email all the way to notes we leave for each other, written communications are a very unique creature.
Here are some things to consider when communicating via text messaging that could save you the angry phone call that we talked about above.

1.) Why are you sending the text?
-----If you are simply texting because it is convenient for you and you don't feel like actually talking to the other person, you need to be on your toes; likely they are aware this is the case and are going to be specifically sensitive to what you say and subtle things like extra capital letters or too many periods....
2.) Is the text series you are sending back and forth something you would like other people to see?
-----Don't be fooled into thinking that the lady or fella you are texting is keeping their texts to themselves. I can promise you the minute you send something a lady finds questionable she is going to search out any and everybody she can find to see if they take the message as being as fucked up as they did.
3.) Are you using your text for good or evil?
-----This one sounds a little silly but it actually is quite simple. You know when you are irritated about something, and when you are using text messaging while angry, you are using for evil. When you are using text messaging to flirt or compliment, you are using it for good.
4.) Are you intentionally not responding to a text message?
-----We all have done this one, the last message they sent has you pissed, OR the last text message you sent made her respond with something that you don't feel like addressing. Not communicating with someone in a situation where they feel hurt by something you have texted is worse then responding with something hateful. And believe me, the lies about your 'phone going dead' are not believable to anyone. On the other hand, you can send a quick unexpected text that tells the person you really enjoyed being with them or that you hope their day is going well and it can go a long way.

Remember the golden rule: call early, call often. Texting is a great tool for dating, but sometimes when an misunderstanding is about to go down, you can quickly clear it up with a phone call whereas a twenty minute text bitch session will just make it way worse.

Oh, and the number 1 way to save your relationship is to remember to delete!

Tip from a hot chick....

Not the way to get you a wifey.....

Unless, maybe you are proposing to one of these ladies .

Amish romance novels, for when you crave the smell of a sweaty beard

Filed under "any port in a storm," the NYO is reporting on the uptick in "Amish romance novels" which is really just an extension of the old pirates and damsels themes of yore. Well, they still make those, but the ladies love a twist. Previously it was Jane Austen meets the paranormal. Now "exotic" romance involves people without buttons.

Personally I'm hoping the next romance novel fad involves bloggers in pajamas...
"Mary brought Tad's Lucky Charms cereal to him as he furiously wrote his latest screed about Robot Chicken on his aging iBook. As she sat the oversized Homer Simpson bowl down on the remote-infested coffee table, she noticed the fly on his pajamas was open..."

Way hotter, way more relevant, right?

via Guyism

eHarmony is for losers?

I don't know if this is ironic or just sad, but a Google search of "loser eHarmony" results in a hilarious thread on eHarmony's forums. I tried eHarmony and it matched me up with no one. Their Twitter feed informed me "it may take a few days." I waited a week, still no matches.

What, no one on eHarmony likes to be spanked with a stick of butter? Their loss, I guess.

Virgo Horoscope

You will find yourself impaled at the end of the ridiculously penis-shaped flying aircraft piloted by a blonde Earthling named "Flash" who gets the girl in the end and leaves your black blood on the floor.

Who do you love?

And why are you hitting them?